Baby worries

Alan was off Friday, so I missed Feel Good Friday to spend time with him. Actually he was off all weekend, and it was great! I realized that all the little things people tend to take for granted are the theings that make me the happiest. You know the holding hands, hugs, stolen kisses, the I love you's, the little things that show each other that you love them. For example, we were driving back from my MIL's house yesterday, and I put my hand on his leg, he reached up and grabbed my hand and just held it. It put the biggest grin on my face.

Despite my frustration the other day AJ and I are seriously considering me getting my IUD removed start trying to have a baby. I was supposed to get my sea duty done today (or try to, I couldn't get an  appointment), but my alarm didn't go off, and I was considering swinging by OB/GYN to make an appointment on the way out. Obviously that failed since I ended up waking up late.

I know AJ is really sure about wanting to be a parent, and has never expressed any fears or nervousness about it. I on the other hand, even though I know 100% that I want to be a parent, I have all these little fears that make me nervous about getting my IUD removed.

First of all, there's the 'Will I be a good parent?' and 'Am I ready/are we ready?' Despite the fact that I've been around children and babies my entire life and helped in taking care of them, I've never had a child of my own (obviously). I know its a HUGE commitment, and a huge difference from taking care of someone else's child.

Then comes the 'Will it be too much stress on our marriage?' AJ and I have been married just under a year and a half. We have a strong relationship, and we've made it through a deployment and only 6 months being able to see each other (non consecutively). We have our problems and argue, but I know that's normal in any relationship. However, I know a baby brings competely different stresses, and just don't know how we would handle that. I don't know what I'd do without my husband, so the thought anything hurting our marriage scares the crap out of me.

My last fear is 'Will the baby steal him from me?' I know this is completely ridiculous on many levels, but its still something I've thought about a lot. AJ has wanted a child as long as I've known him, and I worry that he will focus all his attention on the baby instead of me. Obviously I don't expect all of his attention, but I worry that there will be no place for me in his heart once our baby arrives.

Am I completely insane? Is this normal? Or does it mean I'm not ready? I really don't know...